Freedom of sadness

I do not know why must I have this feeling? If I were to break up the woman that I once loved before, I will have a flashback of the event. Tears began to rolled down my cheek while posting this post. I am unable to forget the first love that I have in my secondary three. What should I do? If I cannot forget about my first lover, how can I find another one to replace her. I am able to feel the presence of love. I am going to explain about some events that I have with her. I remember we started in mount Fuji. I was being selected to Japan field trip organized by my school. I worked so hard as to achieve this field trip. As u know that Japan is so large, you will need a bus to transport u from one location. I was sitting besides my classmates and she was sitting behind me. After the field trip in mount Fuji, we were heading towards osaka. I went to the back of the bus to take a short nap before reaching Osaka. She asked me whether She could seat besides me. I have no objections because I just to replenish my energy by sleeping. After two hours later, I woke up but we have not reach our destination. I could feel sth heavy on my shoulder. I turned my head and I saw her sleeping on my shoulder. At that moment, I understand what was love. After a moment, our teacher in charge woke us up as we are reaching osaka. My first girlfriend name is called syafiqah(sya), she looked at me and smiled at me. I am able to recall her face clearly. At Hiroshima museum, she was scared abt those figures so she hold tightly on my hands. This was how we began our relationship. We took pictures together, I entered her room but I never did anything stupid. At the airplane, we separated in the seating location. We smiled each other and said this:" I love you, my feeling will be with you no matter where are you." At school, we share food together, hold hands together and I even wait for her to leave her cca. We share a piece of nuggets by placing it in between our mouth, we eat until we..... First kiss. I stopped the kiss after few hours, then she said she want more so..... However, the relationship is so short. My parents found out that i have a lover so we broke up. After that day, we anti each other as tp fulfill our parents' promise.My feeling is still with her, the date we started was 28 may 2008- 6 august 2008. This was how arcious name was created. I provided her with love and my finger ring represent her. This name remind me that I should stay alive and continue my life without giving up. Sya, if we have the chance to patch things up, I would. I will name my son as arcious if I am married